21st Century Man Handbook

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Confusion
Head
Communication
Heart
Spirit
Sex
Body
Pairing
Brotherhood
Fatherhood
Community
Path Forward

Men helping men GET FIT
in all areas of a man's life
so the best in life shows up

You've never seen anything like this before!

© 2018-2023 Markus Halvorson • All Rights Reserved

The FoG and the Manhood Confusion Attack

These two things are an inseparable pair.

🔸 One is the “cause” – the Manhood Confusion Attack (MCA)

🔸 One is the “symptom” of the cause – the FoG (Fear of Gay)

And there’s also a “result” of the [cause + symptom] pair that causes men to hide, hesitate and overcompensate, and this is now at epidemic levels. It’s so prevalent guys don’t even notice it.

Virtually all men have experienced this cause/symptom/result, but it has never had a formal name. Now it does. This makes it easy to talk about it, be aware of it, and thus easier to eliminate from our lives.

The [Manhood Confusion Attack + FoG] results in men HESITATING in ways that aren’t even related to sex, like being funny, communicating well and so many other things.

How many guys come up to you at the gym and introduce themselves? Like none. I introduce myself to guys at the gym all the time, and in a way that I learned that doesn’t trigger any weirdness, and now they all nod, wave and smile and and appreciates that I didn’t hesitate. There are so many interesting and amazing people at the gym, but the FoG is pretty thick at the gym. My buddy Alex at the gym is the same way and talks to even more guys than I do. He doesn’t have the FoG.


It All Started On The Playground

When we’re kids, us boys are competitive and set the pecking order at home and at school by calling each other names that call our manhood into question including…

Fag, homo, pussy, wuss, sissy, wimp, cocksucker, you throw like a girl, are you going to cry and tell your mommy?

And it even gets into our language where a bully might say to a nerd “Dude, why are you so gay on science?”

This is the “attack” part. Even dads attack their boys, and it’s in so many movies and stories.

Well, before most of us boys even know what sex is, we start hearing about this “gay” thing, whatever that is, but apparently it’s horrible, disgusting and seriously fucked up. 

Boys hear about guys getting beat up and even killed. They hear about politicians banning gay stuff and drag queens fighting back. “Gay” gets associated with femininity of any kind. So don’t act gay.

Instead, hide (wear a hoodie), hesitate (don’t say anything, don’t be funny or extroverted), or overcompensate by being overtly masculine. Distance yourself from homos.


The Fear of Gay, The FoG For Short

The cool thing about the term FoG is that we all live with this kind of actual fog all around us, like air pollution, and we’ve become so accustomed to it we don’t notice it anymore.

And even if we aren’t affected by the FoG any longer, we still have to live with it showing up all around us – kind of like being a non-smoking employee working in a smoke-filled Las Vegas casino.


The Attack Works Really Well In Disabling Men

The FoG causes boys to hesitate getting close to another guy and thus inhibiting them from forming deep brotherhood bonds with other guys that are so essential to a guy’s well-being.

It causes them to doubt themselves more and get out and meet women less, for example.

And it confuses the hell out of them. Now there is this artificial line drawn between gay and straight, and no one knows where it is. They realize that when they’re masturbating and getting the maximum orgasm out of themselves they’re actually learning all about having sex with a dude.

And they’re afraid to look at other guys, but if you don’t, how does a guy learn what a sexy man looks like?

And worst of all, it causes guys to be afraid of checking out this handbook which is the ONLY way to clear up the confusion.

This is a great example of how screwed up things are. Guys have no problem learning about and getting good at anything else in life EXCEPT when it comes to be a well-put together man so that the best in life shows up for us as a result, like women, and work opportunities, and on and on.

We’ll stop here. 

The rest of this topic and it’s solution is covered in throughout the handbook including in the Confusion Area and the Sex Area.

© 2018-2023 Markus Halvorson
All Rights Reserved

Definition Of "Man" and "Masculinity"

Man

A MAN is a human whose gender identitiy is predominantly male, he feels like a man, he feels comfortable in the world of men, and feels he belongs in the world of men. Full stop.


Masculinity

MASCULINITY refers to the following collection of “chunks” of human attributes (characteristics) almost always amplifed in men.

  • Brotherhood (multiple, loving, bonded, affectionaate, non-sexual, unforced relationships between men that last a lifetime)
  • Tribal (deep bonding into pairs, groups, clubs, fraternities, tribes, armies, nations that create the OPEN SPACE in which the next three attributes thrive…)
  • Explore, Learn, Discover, Solve
  • Create, Build, Repair, Improve, Destroy
  • Play, Fitness, Compete, Organize, Lead, Control, Fight, Kill
  • Logic, Reason, Integrity
  • Independence, Freedom, Solitude, Quiet
  • Provide for others, Protect family, Look after others
  • Constant intense horniness, Seek variety, GOMO (get off move on), Rape
 
The handbook tries to avoid the word masculinity and instead uses the phrase “male flavored” which is more descriptive and avoids the bad baggage that the term “masculinity” continues to have in all of our heads, along with the confusion it perpetuates.

© 2018-2023 Markus Halvorson
All Rights Reserved

Yanker Words

Yanker words are words where, the instant they’re used, they yank us back to the very place we’re trying to get away from.

We avoid using all the yanker words you see below throughout the handbook. Sometimes there’s a preferred alternative.

  • Straight – too often used as a shield. The new term is “opposite-sexual” keeping the focus on just sexuality, which leaves behind all the barnacles that have formed on this label.
  • Gay – unfortunately a weaponized term. It’s baggage also implies membership to a gay subculture which only a minority of “same-sexual” men actually participate in. Most men who are exclusively same-sexual are invisible and you would not know it unless they told you.
  • LGBTQIA+ – We instead use “The Hand Thing” (described in the Sex Area) to better describe the landscape of human sex-related characteristics and then we can avoid this awful list of ad hoc terms that both overlap and leave gaps. The Hand Thing does a far better job, and it’s fun too.
  • Homophobia – The replacement term is the FoG (“Fear of Gay”) that’s the name of symptom of a cause – the Manhood Confusion Attack (MCA) – explained in the Sex area. Referencing the FoG is better because it’s tied to its cause, which homophobia is not. The public cannot explain what causes homophobia. But the FoG is always refered to being the symptom of the Manhood Confusion Attack which every male has experienced.
  • Minorities – The mere mention of this is what perpetuates the idea that something is lesser. Just ignore this word and move on.
  • Racism – Morgan Freeman said in a 60 Minutes interview, “If you want to end racism, stop talking about it.” So true.
  • BIPOC – Black, Indigenous, People Of Color
  • Liberal / Conservative – no one knows what these two words actually men. Get three people together and have them each define them and you’ll see.
  • Patriarchy – all men alive today were born into the “patriarchy” and are not responsible for it. The fact that we live in “a man’s world” is a byproduct of the way men are. The handbook does not recognize this term, use this term, or fight about this term. It’s best ignored and 21C Men are always on the lookout for when women are excluded from anything. However, women ARE excluded from participating in this handbook, just as men are excluded from involvement of the creation and life of the 21st Century Woman Handbook. This separation is for a very good reason and makes it easier to make progress. Men and women are very different creatures.

© 2018-2023 Markus Halvorson
All Rights Reserved

ChatGPT - What Is Masculinity?

If you have access to ChatGPT, ask it “What is masculinity” and here is its reply…

“Masculinity is a complex and multifaceted concept that varies across cultures and societies. Broadly speaking, masculinity refers to the set of attributes, behaviors, and roles traditionally associated with men and boys. These can include qualities such as strength, assertiveness, independence, courage, and leadership. However, it is important to note that the understanding of masculinity has evolved over time, and there is increasing recognition that it is not limited to a fixed set of traits. Different cultures and individuals may have their own interpretations of what masculinity means, and there is growing awareness of the importance of embracing a more inclusive and diverse understanding of gender roles.”

Clearly it reflects the confusion that exists in our world. This explains so much, eh?


© 2018-2023 Markus Halvorson
All Rights Reserved

WYNSALT - Why You've Never Seen Anything Like This!

It looks like the handbook catches a lot of people offguard. A video is being made that gives a proper introduction to what is unusual and different about it. And it has to be this way like it or not.

Here are the elements that are a part of why no one has seen anything like this before.

  • R&D – Thiis is a topic of interest of Mark’s throughout his lifetime, plus all his speaking gigs over the past 15 years where many ideas were developed and tested, and ultimately the discovery seven years ago that apparently this is his calling and destiny – to make the handbook real.
  • Reset – Walk away from conventional thinking in a sweeeping way. Start over.
  • Structure – The Map of a Man’s Life was developed to structure information for the first time.
  • Adversary – Confusion is a man’s only adversary. There is no other.
  • Tap into an instinct – Brotherhood, allowing us to easily bond, band together and look after each other as we help each other learn and grow all throughout life, rasing all boats.
  • Point Of View – We try to be consistent about taking an outsider point of view, like we’re an alien trying to understand the human race. 
  • Managed Language and Labels – This is one of the most significant things to be mindful of because to a great degree, the English language and all the labels we use are a huge part of the confusion we must endure. The handbook would just end up with more of the same confusion unless we ditch problematic language, labels and terms agressively.
  • Methodology – Consistency, integrity, critical thinking skills, logic, reason, no pandering to the lowest common denominator whatsoever, no fear, and no shame.
  • Men are left with…
    • Belonging to a community (can only be in one gang)
    • Resilience and Anti-fragility
    • More Meaning in their lives
    • Restored Connections to People and Planet
In addition, some of this stuff may be before it’s time. As Wayne Gretzky says, we’re skating to where the puck is going to be.
 

First Responders

Years ago I started assembling a list of no more than 150 men, the widely acknowledged size of a “tribe,” whom I personally know and who have expressed interest in the handbook. It’s now time to engage this tribe and have them start experiencing the handbook, in the incomplete state it’s in now, and help refine it before it gets exposed to the open internet of millions of men.  

I want to thank all my brothers, buddies, friends and professional contacts who stand together with me now to help see this sailing ship finally become seaworthy enough to be pushed away from the dock and set out to sea in the coming month(s).

I’m so privileged and grateful. Thank you!

(Highlighted names are the guys I’ve reached out to.)

  1. Adam Markle
  2. Alberto Bautista
  3. Alex (from gym)
  4. Alex Fazekas-Paul
  5. Alex Rennie
  6. Andre Doucette
  7. Andrew Day
  8. Andy Bayon
  9. Austin Barrett
  10. Benaiah Koskovich
  11. Bill Bermudez
  12. Bill Persky
  13. Bill Plenefisch
  14. Bill Rocco
  15. BJ Lawrence
  16. Brad Cushman
  17. Brad Hoag
  18. Brent Weiss
  19. Brett Serwalt
  20. Brian Clark
  21. Brian Jessup
  22. Bruce Hartman
  23. Calvin Tom
  24. Cam Richardson
  25. Carlos Martinez
  26. Cedric Terrell
  27. Cesar Bohorquez
  28. Charles Washburn
  29. Chip Milligan
  30. Clay Tschudy
  31. Craig Robertson
  32. Dalton Minard
  33. Dan (neighbor)
  34. Dan Axlerod
  35. Dan Gallien
  36. Dane Dormio
  37. Daniel Hauk
  38. David Alvarado
  39. David Gao
  40. David Highly
  41. David O’Brien
  42. David Santana
  43. Demetrius Atuña
  44. Dennis Stein
  45. Duane Stanton
  46. Eddie Meyerholtz
  47. Eric Hernandez
  48. Eugene Baronilla
  49. Fergal O’Doherty
  50. Francisco Zepeda
  51. Garth Corbin
  52. Geoff Thomas
  53. George Lapole
  54. George Tubon
  55. Grant Tom
  56. Hector Martinez
  57. Hector (gym owner)
  58. Israel Ramos
  59. Izac (gym)
  60. James Labrie
  61. James Person
  62. James Segers
  63. Jamie Colter
  64. Jason Kordestani
  65. Jaylen Braiden
  66. Jeff Simonds
  67. Jesse Palmer
  68. Jim Riggenbach
  69. Jody Mitchel
  70. Joe Gregore
  71. Joe Lucero
  72. John Alexander
  73. John Gardiner
  74. John Rumsey
  75. Jon Block
  76. Jon Weimhoff
  77. Jonny Valamehr
  78. Jose Mendoza
  79. Jose (gym)
  80. Josh (Wall Builder)
  81. Josh Arce
  82. Justin Lee
  83. Karl Kyler
  84. Kevin Waldrop
  85. Lael Corbin
  86. Lap Luu
  87. Loren Freestone
  88. Marcus Block
  89. Mark Ghitman
  90. Matt Baker
  91. Matt Carpinello
  92. Matt Luria
  93. Matt Ritchey
  94. Matty Valdespino
  95. Michael Floerchinger
  96. Michael Plouff
  97. Michael Schaeffer
  98. Michael Scott
  99. Mick Macklemore
  100. Mike Hrostoski
  101. Mike Simms
  102. Mo Bidair
  103. Nathan Haas
  104. Patrick Hudspeth
  105. Patrick Hurley
  106. Paul Spaeth
  107. Paul Tomcavage
  108. Paul Robbins
  109. Peter Larson
  110. Peter Shin
  111. Philippe Drolet
  112. Rayan Boujaram
  113. Rene Hererra
  114. Reuben Limon
  115. Richard Gaskin
  116. Rick Sainz
  117. Rob Rundle
  118. Robb Harvey
  119. Robert Houghton
  120. Rusty Bresser
  121. Ryan Brolliar
  122. Ryan Conroy
  123. Ryan O’Connor
  124. Ryan Stock
  125. Ryan Swedlund
  126. Ryan Warnock
  127. Sasha Turovsky
  128. Sean Hudson
  129. Sean Yoshikawa
  130. Sebastian Hernandez
  131. Skott Jones
  132. Spike Dale
  133. Steve Hernandez
  134. Steven Cooper
  135. Steven Worth
  136. Thaddius Donnarumma
  137. Thomas Swope
  138. Tim Geraci
  139. Tom Demich
  140. Tom Duncan
  141. Tom Hepler
  142. Tom Hymes
  143. Tom Waidzunas
  144. Trentamus Briggs
  145. Trevy James
  146. Warren Reed
  147. Wayne Delano
  148. Will Metivet
  149. Yudi Andiwinata
  150. Zarek Pilakowski
 

A “tribe” is a group of around 150 people. It’s a special number because for humans, that’s about the limit of how many people we’re able to get to know and feel like they’re part of our community.

There are companies where when a location grows past 150 people, it will split off into a new location so that the employees at any location will all get to know each other well and work together as a tight knit community with all the productivity benefits that yields. Belonging is a powerful human instinct and need.

This is a photo of a tribe in New Guinea.

 

© 2018-2023 Markus Halvorson
All Rights Reserved

Thanks For Communicating!

© 2018-2023 Markus Halvorson
All Rights Reserved

This Is A Popup

This brings up some information like a definition, a long list, an image, whatever. 

Click the red arrow at the upper right to close it.

If you wondered about this photo, it’s a picture of the the crew of an aircraft carrier. The crewmen in brightly colored jerseys work on the flight deck and their role is color coded. Check out the orange References and Notes Show/Hide bar at the bottom of this START HERE section for more details on what the colors mean.


Extra Credit: There are a few women in this picture. Can you find them?

© 2018-2023 Markus Halvorson
All Rights Reserved

No Two Humans Are Alike

If we say for a moment that each of these independent human attributes listed below was only an on or off, one or the other, binary kind of thing, then to calculate the number of combinations of human beings that are possible, this list of 60 items can be calculated as 2 to the power of 60…

     260 = 1,152,921,504,606,846,976

or over 1 quintillion combinations of human beings.

But there are actually far more combinations than that because most of the attributes are spectrums, ranges, and sometimes multiple choice. And this list keeps growing because now there are 71 items below. But we’re in the general ballpark.

Long story short, no two human beings who have ever lived are alike.


Visible Human Attributes

  1. Body type
  2. Face
  3. Age
  4. Race – Asian, Black, Caucasian, etc
  5. Ethnicity – Jewish, Eritrean, Japanese, hispanic, middle-eastern, etc
  6. Fashion  – clothes, hair, makeup, bling
  7. Mannerisms – masculine, feminine, animated, reserved
  8. Fitness – from couch potato to fit physique
  9. Sex – physical appearance is male, female, or combination
  10. Voice
  11. Physical injuries, disabilities

Invisible Human Attributes

  1. Sexual orientation – same-sex, opposite sex, both
  2. Genetalia – male, female, blend of the two
  3. Gender Identity – Identify as a man, woman, or a combination
  4. Sexual experiences – each person has a different set of them
  5. Sexual Activity level – from once a year to once a day, includes sex with self
  6. Fetishes – this list usually gets longer over time, and is very unique to each person
  7. Sexual styles – traditional, wild, rough, slow, intense, spiritual
  8. Emotion – from very sensitive to seemingly dead inside
  9. Empathy – the ability to connect with other people’s experiences
  10. Shame – how much is imposed on us and how we deal with it
  11. Negative experiences – any traumas that impact one’s life
  12. Fears 
  13. Addictions
  14. Optimistic to Pessimistic
  15. Who a life partner is to us – from best friend and soul mate to…
  16. Love – the many people we love deeply and would do anything for them
  17. Diet – from junk food to veganism
  18. Exercise – from sedentary to gym junkie, hiker, walker, runner, etc
  19. Play – what we do for fun
  20. Sleep and Rest – getting enough sleep has a big affect on our lives
  21. Habits – daily habits and our routine
  22. Self-improvement – from stuck in our ways to always learning something new
  23. Rhythm of life – harmonious, discordant, inconsistent, repetitive
  24. Tidy to messy
  25. Ambitions
  26. Creativity
  27. Talents – art, music, speaking, juggling, comedy, teaching, crafts, cooking, etc
  28. Experience – comes with age, hopefully
  29. Wisdom – comes with age or from study
  30. Clear Thinking Skills – we’re improving them now!
  31. Strongly Held Beliefs
  32. Limiting Beliefs – things that hold us back and stop us
  33. Integrity
  34. Discipline
  35. Languages – other languages we may be able to speak
  36. Communication Skills
  37. Achievements
  38. Quirks and eccentricities
  39. Self-expression – from bookworm to skydiver
  40. Introvert to extrovert
  41. Loner to gregarious
  42. Culture – Mexican, Jewish, Italian, Chinese, etc
  43. Parents – both mom and dad, just a mom, just a dad, neither
  44. Siblings – only child, only brothers, only sisters, both brothers and sisters
  45. Economic status from childhood to current
  46. Neighborhood from childhood to current – rough, scary, pleasant, posh
  47. Religion
  48. Extended family – from small to large
  49. Nurturing
  50. Protective of others
  51. Mentors and Idols – the people who’ve had a big influence on our lives
  52. Education – public or private, college, easy/rough/difficult schools
  53. Job History – from entry level jobs to careers
  54. Books and Movies
  55. Social Media
  56. Physical Illness – from minor chronic problems to life-threatening
  57. Mental Illness – from minor neuroses to being bipolar, schizophrenic, etc
  58. Comfort zone – how often we will leave our comfort zone
  59. Friends – the people who know us and we can turn to and count on
  60. Curious and Inquisitive

© 2018-2023 Markus Halvorson
All Rights Reserved

Life's Journey

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!”

Hunter S. Thompson

© 2018-2023 Markus Halvorson
All Rights Reserved

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